LatinosUSA

 A page from Lady Vladimira’s Journal Vol. CCCXLII Lady Vladimira’s Nightly Journal Vol. CCCXLII, Est. 740 A.D.

Personal & Confidential: Trespassers Will Be Drained

Friday: 13. Anno Domini 1889· Transylvania Standard Time

The night is young. The village is sleeping. And Lady Vladimira Rosalind Carmilla von Duskmore, third daughter of the Cursed House of Nocturia, Terror of the Eastern Carpathians, Destroyer of Three Military Regiments, and current holder of a very reasonable castle mortgage, is going to be ready for her night hunt.

Wake up gracefully around 11.30

• No clumsy coffin exits.
• Lift the lid with gentle dignity.
• Check the surroundings carefully.
• Then slip out without being noticed.

Tidy the coffin. (Inspired by “Make Your Bed” by William H. McRaven)

• Dust the interior of the coffin.
• Smooth the silk lining for next night.
• Add a touch of fragrance. Eternal life doesn’t excuse poor housekeeping.

Stretch off the coffin stiffness.

• Crack your neck, roll your shoulders, loosen every joint.

 Stay limber, you never know when the night will call for sprinting, wall-climbing, or a dramatic impromptu flight.

Get Fresh

• Brush your teeth. Premium charcoal toothpaste, obviously.
• Give the fangs special attention; polish them with crimson-infused pumice.
• Floss carefully. Nobody wants last night’s O-positive lodged between the incisors. Left canine still has a chip from that armored knight in 1312

Switched off all the distractions.

• Mute the coven group chat. Vampire drama can wait, so no need for distraction.

Meditate.

• Practice some meditation and hypnotism.

Recite your pre-hunt affirmations.

• You are powerful.
• You are elegant.
• You are absolutely not going to trip over your own cape.
• Nothing will distract you, not even a diamond necklace glittering on a victim’s throat, not the irresistible lips of some brooding poet waiting to be kissed.

Skin and hair care.

• Wash your face and neck with icy water.
• Apply a generous 10% retinol.
• Finish with a good moisturizer. Victims appreciate freshness.
• Apply belladonna eye drops [URGENT] to achieve the signature «smoldering crimson gaze.» Currently just achieving «tired and slightly bloodshot.
• Check yourself in the mirror. I forgot I have no reflection. So get accustomed to Blind-faith skincare.
• Do your hair. Finger-comb the hair, or if fortune smiles, borrow a wooden comb from a victim’s dresser.

Choose your outfit for dinner.

• Choose your favorite black coat for dinner. Sometimes I prefer charcoal color.
• The blood-red velvet will be fine.
• Accessorize with an onyx pendant.

Check the weather.

• Confirm sunrise is still hours away.
• Keep one eye on the clock all night, regardless. Check wind direction before approaching. Go for downwind only. I am not making the same mistake twice. The sneezing ruined my entire aura of menace the previous day.

Remember:

I am Lady Vladimira Rosalind Carmilla von Duskmore. I believe in elegance, discipline, and extraordinary patience of character. Seven hundred and forty-nine years on this earth have taught me that haste ruins the delicate artistry of the hunt; neglect in a skincare routine destroys the impeccable silhouette; and a sharp eye for hidden crucifixes before leaning too close saves from a terrible burn.

Focus.

  Glide over the village in mist form. Assess the crowd at the tavern. Friday means the blacksmith drinks until midnight, which means he’ll wander home alone down the dark lane. Perfect. He’s been on my waiting list since May. If he is not available, look for brooding poets or foolish young women who prefer romantic novels to everything else. They are simply delicious.

Practice safe shifting.

• Practice shape-shifting into a cute little bat form.

Garlic Alert.

• Inspect the victim’s house for garlic, especially near the windows. The baker’s wife has been hanging garlic in every window since my last visit.
• Curse humanity for putting garlic in practically every cuisine on earth.
•  

Maintain your elegance.

• Glide through the city with effortless elegance.
• Try not to flinch every time you pass beneath a streetlight.
• Sip the blood; do not gulp.
• Good manners prevent suspicion.

Careful of blood group.

Check medical reports first. At dinner, O positive preferred. Can deal with B negative. But AB positive gives me immortal migraine.

Return home before dawn.

• Return home around 4:30, before the first light.
• Kick off your shoes.
• Dive into the coffin.

Sleep tight.

• Dream of tomorrow night’s hunt, handsome poets, and a world where garlic bread was never invented.
• And just before sleep claims you, try to remember what it felt like to be alive.

Signed by

Lady Vladimira Rosalind Carmilla von Duskmore, third daughter of the Cursed House of Nocturia