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she had those ridiculously

long and sharp

fake nails

that doubled the length

of each finger

Those on the right hand

were

painted silver

and those on the left

black

and she liked to

poke things with them

and one of those

things was

my side

every time we sat next

to each other

at times she’d poke hard

enough to hurt her

own finger

and then would give a mock

cry and say it was my fault

and then laugh about it

“Aren’t you gonna ask how

I wipe my ass with

these?” she said

“Nah. I figure too many people

did it already.”

“Many people? Whaaaat?

Who d’ you imagine I talk to?

I don’t interact

with many people. No people

actually.”

“What about your

family?”

“Family… Yeah, I still think about

turning on the gas

in the house

and leaving them to die. They never

open a window in that

house anyway. It would make it

easy.”

She poked a nail into the

side of her head a few

times. “Ah, why am I such a

coward?”

And then suddenly her eyes

lit up. “Say, how about

you help me a bit?”

“No thanks. I don’t feel like

murdering anybody.”

“Dummy! Who said anything

about murder?”

“I could’ve sworn it

was implied.”

“Was not! On the contrary!

You could actually save

some lives if you

help me.”

“Oh? And what do I gotta

do?”

“Easy! You come home

with me

an’ we tell ‘em you’re my

boyfriend of years and years

and I trust you with my life

and the life of my dear ones. You

have a car, right?

Well, you can use it to take

my grandma to

church. It’s been her dream to

go there one last time, you see?

But since she’s so old and

sick and can’t move

and has nobody to help her, well,

she suffered a great deal because of it.

Grandpa can’t even move

from his bed. He’s far

worse than her. But we have

unfinished business,

him and I. And I

fear he’ll depart from this

world before we can properly

settle our scores, you see?

So, if you could take grandma to church

where she’ll be for about three

hours and then bring her

back… Well, I’ll get to spend that time

alone with my grandpa and…”

“And what?”

“Let’s just say you’d save grandma’s

life. She’s mostly innocent. Mostly.

It’s the old bastard I wanna have

a private

talk with, not her. She can live for

a few more years.

So, um, we got a deal?”

“My car’s broken. I’m waiting to

get it fixed.”

Her nails

were quick to poke me in the

side again

“Liar! You don’t wanna do

a good deed for a

good soul in this ugly world!”

I’m not sure who

the good soul was

in her view

but I’m sure the world she

talked about wasn’t ugly

No, it was

just very interesting,

that’s all

we’re both blessed enough

to live in interesting

times