LatinosUSA

BITTER OLD MAN

Now 77, widower, 
empty nester, still 
have a few friends
I’ve known for almost
my whole life

lately been watching TV
news and views, also on 
Facebook, where in
retrospect, I see that I have,
in that venue, too many of 
the wrong friends

They appear on TV shows 
and offer opinions that 
reflect my views,

but

when I try to contact them
to agree with what they said,
their doors are bolted shut 
to dialog, and they link me
instead to a gatekeeper, who
insists on my donating money,
asking by the way, what is my 
household income?   

This is NOT the person I enjoyed 
listening to on TV, this is now
a money machine, like a Vegas
one-armed bandit: put up or shut up

One by one, I’ll be deleting
these people from my 
Facebook roster, because they 
are no longer humans, they have 
become brands, and I don’t care 
to share my feelings with brands.

~~

HIS PLURALITY

My 
faith 
preaches that
there is only 
one 
God
but daily 
we will hear
voices offering 
divine judgments 
from all corners of our
tiny envelope saying 
things like 
“They died way too young”
            or  
“She suffered injustice”
           or 
“He is the consummate blues artist”

How 
will we 
ever know
which one of 
these many voices
is the one and 
only	God?

~~

TWO THANKSGIVING DAYS

That’s right, and I don’t remember
		either one of them

The first one happened
long before I was born
so all I have is 2nd hand
information from all kinds
of sources

The other one was a set
of events that left me in
a coma, so once again, all
I had was 2nd hand
information from all kinds
of sources

June 26, 1967, recent high 
school grad, got a phone
call from a former classmate
inviting me to come over
and sample a new game 
table he just got. I was
interested, so got on my
motorcycle to make the
short, local trip.

Here is what I learned later:
hit by car, thrown through 
the air, landed on street, my 
helmet, boots, and gloves 
barely helped at all, received 
prompt, professional medical 
care from the local Rescue 
Squadron (later called 
Paramedics)

Taken to ICU where they
put me on life support, 
reattached my right thumb,
saved my left leg, which 
included entirely rebuilding 
the left ankle, supplemented 
with bone grafts from both knees 
My mother had a strange moment 
when visiting me in the ICU, it sank 
in slowly that this was the very same
room that had been the maternity 
ward 18 years prior when she had 
given birth to me at that hospital 

I had no clue, until years later I was
able to browse the Internet for this
date and learn that on this very same
day, also within a mile of my home, 
Elvis Presley and Nancy Sinatra 
paired up at MGM Studios to record
“Ain’t Nothing Like a Song.” I hadn’t
been invited to attend that recording,
so that wraps up that day.

Years later, I got a job and had some
money to spend, officially became 
an adult, and visited the hospital 
to ask for a copy of my medical records.
Was told they were past 7 years old, so
they had been shredded. They had my
mailing address but didn’t attempt to 
reach me by mail.  But I depart from 
my tale of Thanks. Got lots of help
from friends and classmates to begin
attending junior college.

Just for kicks, my wife and I decided 
to visit USC and donate my embattled
helmet to a professor who maintained
a collection of those relics.  You guessed 
it, his name was Professor Hurt. The end.

~~

FOLLOWING ORDERS

Shhhhh!  I think
there is someone
else in the room

Relax, this is the
band room
players are
under strict
orders to be
on time

that fellow
flirting with
the flautists
is the Director
have a seat
he’ll keep the beat
you can’t miss it
he’s on his feet

What if I need to
use my spit valve?

You’ll have to use
a sterile catheter 
for that, buy it online
Dry floor, clean score

Is there a restroom?

You only get a rest if
your part indicates so
with the usual rest signs
Lots of those for tuba
players, don’t lose count now

The Director put his wand down.

This happens a lot.
He’ll be looking for it shortly.

~~

FINALLY, I’M GOING TO BE RECOGNIZED

Recently, a friend of a friend
kind of insinuated that one of 
our local minor league baseball
clubs was urgently needing a

new shortstop.  

Hey, that’s my gig!
Fit and ready to follow 
in the footsteps of 

Honus Wagner
Ozzie Smith
Ernie Banks
Cal Ripkin, Jr.
Derek Jeter
Barry Larkin
Robin Yount
Alan Trammell
Luis Aparicio
Omar Vizquel
Alex Rodriguez
etc., etc., etc.

So, I rushed to get my resume
ready to submit, only to find
out that actually, 
                            in the real world, 
they were tired of the equipment 
room door always being in their 
way, slowing them down, so they 
put the call out for a

new door stop