nothing’s weird at this point By Bogdan Dragos

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“They call it demon possession,” she

said, her hands

busy struggling to open a

beer bottle

that was already opened.

“Maybe you should

stop drinking,” I said. “It really

looks like you’ve had enough.”

but of course

she doesn’t hear that. She only

hears what she wants to

People talk to her

but their words have

to pass through

the thinnest filter I’ve ever seen

her mind

So because she didn’t hear me, or

rather her mind did not

register my words and

their meaning, she went on with

her story and

with trying to open an

already opened beer bottle.

“I think I was only… um, sixteen. On that

night I shot my older brother in his

sleep. Killed him dead.

Stole his keys and took his

car and went for…

what d’ you call that?”

“A joy ride?” I said

“Hahahah! Yeah. A joy ride.”

Now she did hear me. Cuz I

behaved according to

her script

“I did not crash the

car. Didn’t even scratch it! I never

went through driver’s ed

but still I drove

better than my bro. I was made

for driving. But then, you know, I just

returned home

and I told my mother everything

that happened. With a smile on my pretty

face. I mean, it was super pretty

back then. You should’ve seen me.

I have pics, but they’re still nothing

like the real thing.

You would’ve soooo wanted to

fuck me back then, I guarantee.”

“I would’ve been fourteen

back then,” I said. “Would you have

left a boy two years your

junior hit?”

But it was another thing

her mind didn’t

register

“It’s all I could think about. I don’t know,

is it weird to say that… That

a car ride, that joy ride had

caused my sexual awakening?

Perhaps the surge

of adrenaline caused me to

become immeasurably… um, horny.

D’ you think it’s weird?”

“Nothing’s weird

at this point,” I said, actually

taking the beer bottle away

from her hand

Immediately

her hands went to her

hair

and grabbed at random

and pulled

playfully

while she bit her lips.

“Ah, a long story follows.

Mother called the authorities

and I was taken

into this… uh, this place for

troubled teens. Was too young to

go to prison, haha.

And the biggest issue here was…

I mean, I was really disappointed. Not

one, not a single one of

the staff members

wanted to… you know, to do

it with me. Not the men, not the

women. Not even the other

teenagers.

Can you believe this shit?

All those stereotypes of

mental asylum workers abusing

their patients… Fake! All of them.

Couldn’t even get

a smile from them, let alone

a fuck.

And eventually they quenched

this desire of mine. With

meds.

I don’t even know what they

gave me, but

in time, they numbed me for good.

And now… I don’t even make

the difference

between penetration

and wiping with toilet paper.

Feels the same to me.

What good is a body if it can’t

make love?”

“It can tell stories,” I said

At this

she smiled

and leaned over

and took the

beer bottle from me

and drank

I’m still not sure

if my words

were registered into

her mind

or not

but maybe not knowing

makes it even

better

swineherd

after 22 years

he returned to

his old town

I was just a kid

when he left

so

I didn’t recognize him

but some of the older guys

were quick to

offer him a

drink

“Who’s he?” I asked

and the only answer I got

was

“Swineherd.”

They called him

the swineherd

He was an okay

fellow

knew a few bar tricks

and showed us all his

glass eye

and the hole it covered

shit looked like

a butthole when

he removed that thing

He spoke about how good it

was to be back

and the guys asked him

if he’s gonna

swineherd again

and they all laughed together

like it was the

craziest

inside joke ever

I went home drunk

that night

and it was the kind of

drunk that doesn’t provide

inspiration

So with nothing

to write about

I checked out some random

news on my feed

One title caught

my eye

FARMER ARRESTED AFTER

BEING CAUGHT

TRANSPORTING COCAINE LODGED

INSIDE PIGS’ ANUSES

Hmm…

Well, I’ll be damned

Suddenly

I knew what to write about

and got to it

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