LatinosUSA

“I’m so bored here. There’s nothing to do,” Grunge said to himself as he looked idly at the books on the shelf in front of him in his cell. He hadn’t read most of them. He reached out and pulled down a book, barely glancing at the title, “Some Answered Questions.” He opened it to a random page, then pressed his finger at a sentence.

He read “…The most noble being on the earth is man.”

“What?” His thoughts jerked. This sentence struck a nerve. He reread the sentence. “The most noble being on earth is man.”

“Certainly not me,” he thought.

He remembered the horrid, degrading names his mother screamed at him, including stupid, asinine, blockhead, and dumb butt. He recalled that his father said to him, “You’re not worth a rag to wipe up shit!’ His father stomped away, leaving the little boy alone, terrified in the dark in that strange, unknown place.

Grunge repeated, “The most noble being on earth is man.”

WOW!!!

“The most noble being…”

WOW!!! What an idea!

His surroundings faded away. The sounds of the other inmates, the guards and other staff faded. The ever-present stench of sweat, cleaning fluids, and food was no longer noticeable. The harsh lighting didn’t matter. His anger at the people who lied to get him convicted disappeared. The ill-fitting clothes he wore became irrelevant. Grunge was transported into a different reality.

The idea that he was worthwhile and had value was revolutionary, transformative. This was the opposite of everything he heard growing up. The more he thought about it, the more his perspective changed. Could this be true? Really? If it was…

He felt lighter, freer, as if layers of negative crust broke and fell off him. The more he thought about this, the more he began to believe it. He was no longer imprisoned by his situation or his parents’ negativity and oppression. They were wrong. Everything his parents said about him was wrong. He was not stupid. He was not asinine. He was not a blockhead. He was not good for nothing. He was not a wretched creature. He was a noble being. He was a spiritual being. He was a noble spiritual being. He was worth more than a rag to wipe up a mess.

I know rocks and dirt and soil, he thought. I know different kinds of soil and what can be done to improve them for growing conditions. I know the rocks that fracture in the cold and are not good to use for building. I know which rocks were brought down here on the front edge of glaciers. I know the sedimentary rocks that were formed here and are good for building.

I know animals, he continued. I can calm down horses. I can settle cattle. Maybe I am useful after all. Maybe I’m not that worthless piece of shit I was always told I was. Maybe my parents had the problems, not me.

He began to focus on his positive attributes and qualities. There were more than he had imagined. He began to appreciate the difficulties his parents had to face. This did not justify their actions completely, but they were understandable. His parents had no guidance, no example of healthy parenting to follow. They were subject to the ignorance of their parents.

With this realization, Grunge began to use his real name, George, not the insult his parents threw at him. He took better care of himself. His self-respect increased, and his attitude and reaction to others became more kind. George decided to meet each attempt with neutrality or some humor. Humor could go a long way, he discovered.

Gradually, people began to respond to George’s kindness with respect. Gradually, tensions between inmates and guards began to ease slightly. With less tension, differences were easier to solve. People were able to listen to each other, to actually listen, not just pretend. Sometimes, the listener even asked a question or two. Real conversations, though brief, began to take place.

George eventually felt safe to share the sentence that changed his outlook. This also impressed other inmates. A few of them became more thoughtful about themselves and those around them: If I am a noble being, and that person is a noble being, then maybe we can act more positively, more nobly towards each other.

As with all change, this happened slowly over time, but what else does an inmate with a long prison sentence have? Time, plenty of time.