LatinosUSA

Like myself, you surely have at least one friend

who has a solution to every problem known to humanity.

I have one that I’ve known for many years and just last week

while talking with him on the phone I mentioned that I was

losing my hearing— this, precipitated by my not catching

some of what he was saying— simultaneously asking him

to speak a little louder.

And to this, he responded—as accurately as I recall:

All you have to do to restore your hearing completely

is cleanse your body of its toxins. For sixty days

you should drink only liquids like carrot juice

and other vegetables that I will list for you in a moment.

If you do this, your hearing will once again be as clear

as a bell. You won’t have to go to some so-called specialist,

like an acquaintance of my mine, who paid three-thousand dollars

for a hearing aid that he has to recharge constantly,

has a bothersome echo, irritates his ears, and sometimes

one or both falls out when he least expects it. If you do as I say,

your hearing will be completely restored and you’ll save yourself

a lot of wasted time, money, and suffering trying to adapt

to one of those rip-off hearing aids. . .

With that, he went on for at least another twenty to thirty minutes,

and though I didn’t get a fair amount of what he was saying

I would still respond here and there with, “I hear you!” 

like I perfectly understood. . .

Appeared in Witcraft, early 2025. Magazine no longer publishing.