LatinosUSA

My eyes watch the migration of charging metal beasts in an asphalt line across the desert. in most cases i want to name things — like anxiety when I am reluctant to be social; depression when i struggle to find the energy; trauma response when the mind goes blank — not to cast off accountability, no, simply to identify the problem. otherwise i risk accusing myself of being odd and reclusive and lazy and stupid. when you watch closely you learn things you would not know if you were not vigilant. these animals cannot interest the lion like an orchestra of calling birds. they are like AI musicians with the fabricated backstory. they do not taste right. they have no odor. they know no true joy or pain. i become aware of night and day, dichotomous, the one full of mad laughter and moonlight, the other working us to death. the wool of the hungry sheep clearing the fields grows in a lunar pattern, uncompelling gravity. anatolian shepherd dogs shape the group into a tapered form (from drone-eye perspective) like a cracked egg yolk suspended in the saliva of embryonic descent, into a heated buttered pan. a bell hangs from the neck of a young goat and rings out mercifully in the terrible heat. i sing a little doing the dishes marking up my face boiling the eggs cinching my belt. my kitten now follows me everywhere and has given me a reason. sweet Lolo! those yearning eyes change to delight when i find a soft E minor and push it out on sumatran light roast breath. good things come with bad. you only have to choose. no need to give in to trickery of capitalizing algorithmic cowboys roping in your dopamine. i look up (up and away from the phone) to what i would have missed: the geese flying north in high tattered flag formations. it is almost summer. look up and cast your prayers into the sea. only lower thy head to cool your animal self beneath pissing cherubs. let yourself choke with crazed laughter. let yourself go. if you feel troubled it means you care. lash out in rebellion! do not straighten that which is queer. let your hair grow by lunar patterns. be bored just long enough until the imagination kicks in. then you will know you have one.

by Katya Mills