If you want a full head of lettuce you have to
stretch out on the gurney. That’s
what she said as she tossed me a johnny.
She said you revert to old habits under stress
so try not to breathe heavy and I promise
not to break anything. At least keep it slow
and steady to minimize the panic. I tried
to smell the coffee. Tried to wake up and go
to sleep. I didn’t want to fear the vegetables.
I didn’t want that cold hard headwind
dancing on my social media grave.
I wanted a trombone funeral while I still had
the wherewithal to enjoy it. I wanted it
to be a harbinger. I wanted a change. No
more coliform head count. No more believing
I came from the land of blown noses.

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