LatinosUSA

It sounds like… “if the circus owner has decided to continue the tour without you, or if something else has happened that has forced the lions, the gymnasts, or the illusionists to leave the place and vanish without a trace” (p. 151, Disappearing, Maria Stepanova).

Last night, in one of my dreams, I was looking for my car, which I had left parked, and it was impossible to discover its whereabouts. When changes occur in our daily lives that are announced but beyond our control, anxiety or frustration dominate the scene. They arise with the death of a family member, or an illness that sets a date and destiny for their life. But also with not-so-minor events like a war—and not being able to choose whether we are involved—or even the fact of being fired from a job. Faced with this vital loss of control over an object (in this case, the car), there is a phrase we use a lot: that’s life! Unstoppable, uncertain, immersed in existential chaos, incapable of giving us any definitive regularity. It stalks us, and we stalk it.

Life gives and takes away, is another phrase I’ve heard. Dreams like these are calls from the subconscious to review our goals and piece together the new direction under a new meaning. What I’ve often discussed in these articles comes to the fore:

Re-signifying.

And this task can’t always be done with joy; sometimes it’s accompanied by pain. Our Life Toll is the mark of those changes in our path. It expresses itself through small incidents that we must learn to manage.

Some time ago, I went to a family constellations session (1), and as I stepped into the center of a circle of fifty people, a woman reviewed her entire family tree of suicides. I couldn’t help but shudder. Her toll appeared before us with force, even though it seemed negative to us. And… her pain.

I always imagine life as a great grove where, as I walk, I enjoy the stroll and assume I won’t be assailed by great fears. But my dream last night contradicts that.

Notes

(1) Family constellations are a systemic therapeutic technique, developed by Bert Hellinger, designed to identify and release behavioral patterns, emotional conflicts, or traumas inherited from the family system. They are based on the role-playing (group or individual) of family members to visualize unconscious dynamics that affect the present.