LatinosUSA

maybe seven years old

whenever i got something super important to say

i shout it out

they all stop talking at once

stare at me bewildered like i’m some wire

disconnected

the youngest

i must get creative

pushing wedges into my mouth

until my face stretches out

from the sour acid

eliciting

full throttle family

laughter

twenty years on

chasing powder coke

with china white

down on my luck

far far away

eliciting

full throttle family

despair

then counseling

then rehab

someone actually cares to know

what i’ve been through and how

i really feel?

not so much the ones getting paid

i mean the misfits like me

overnight

breaking into the locked shed

where they store the only drug

in a ten mile radius

coffee

in rural america

one straggly cowpoke day

one week sober they give me back my phone

there’s a message that my friend Alec Ramsdell

he overdosed

and died

they show me so much compassion

i cannot take it and i break down

and cry and cannot stop

like a freezer

when the power’s

cut

i was ice cold numb for years

i feel lucky to be alive

maybe this life is not completely fucked

after all?

you can grow up now

you can love the hell out of your

starved seven year old

self

not unwanted anymore

the black sheep

the lemon

i follow it up with the triumphant

quintessential

laughing myself breathless

under the table

routine

BIO

Katya Mills is an American nonbinary trans writer of German and Huguenot descent. They have a literature degree from Northwestern University and have published several titles as an Independent. Katya is a licensed psychotherapist in California where they help people envision and re-author the stories of their lives.  2025 publications include:  New Words Press, Journal X (Cabrillo College), Meniscus Literary Journal, and LatinosUSA. Their books can be found here: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7276703.Katya_Mills