the binoculars were heavy in
his small hands.
“Heavier than a rock,” he
said, and then
looked over to her. “So, does
your dad work in the
military?”
The question bothered her
the last time
he asked it
and it bothered her now.
“Thought I fuckin’ told you
to shut the fuck
up about that,” she said
snatching the
binoculars from his hands
and then punching
him in the shoulder
“Ouch!”
She was older than him by
some good years
and the coolest person
he ever met.
This girl… she casually
used cuss words in
her speech and knew a lot
of ‘em. She
could
spit without having it
stick to her
mouth and chin. Could fire
that thing like a bullet
from a gun.
She also smoked and knew
how to roll
tobacco into thin paper
and make cigarettes. And
besides all that
she had cool scars
on her arms
and legs and even one
that stretched from
her left cheek to her nose.
Like a cool, wild huntress.
Yeah, if Cool was a person,
she was that.
And she was cool enough
to let him
hang around the forest with
her, even though he could
do none of the things
she could and
had a curfew at nine PM
Cool never had to be
home by any
fixed hour. She could
literally spend the night
outside if she
wanted to
Cool was also too cool to
spend time with
other girls her age. She only
spoke to boys and men, and
never nicely
But most of all, Cool
spent time in
the nearby forest by herself
carrying the over-sized
binoculars
and climbing trees and
looking inside people’s
houses
The binoculars were no
ordinary item
one could buy at the store,
that was clear even to him. It
was high tech military
equipment that ordinary people
would never get their
hands on
Perhaps Cool’s father died in
the military
and that’s why they let her
keep the binoculars. Perhaps
that’s also why she doesn’t
wanna talk about it
Mostly she was spying on
her own house
where she lived with
her mother and two
big dogs that kept most
people away from the fence
and the door and the
windows
There were lots of things
to see inside those
windows with the
binoculars. Despite the dogs
being so mean,
her mother brought lots
of people inside the house
like there was constantly
a party going on there
But if that was so,
she didn’t look
too cheerful about it.
“Fuckin’ bitch gonna ruin
it again,” Cool muttered
to herself as
she looked through
the binoculars
“What’s she gonna ruin
again?” he asked.
Cool was silent.
“C’mon, tell me, what’s she
gonna ruin? The party?”
“Keep quiet.”
“Okay. But can I look again?
Just for a second?”
“Um, you’re not tall enough
to see right.”
“I can climb in this
here tree first.”
“Nah, then you’ll probably
drop the thing
and break it. Better not
risk shit.”
“Okay, but then
can I look at another house?”
“Another house, eh? And which
would that be?”
“I’ll look at mine.”
Cool needed a cigarette. She handed
him the binoculars
and fished into her back pocket
for some tobacco and
paper.
Heavy as a rock, he thought
again as he
held the binoculars
and raised it to his eyes
He could only see the
roof of her house,
but could see his own
well enough
“Peaceful, isn’t it?” she said
from beside him
as she lit the
cigarette. “I wish I lived
there. With your mom
and dad. Sharing warm meals
at the dining table, drinking
orange juice, talking
about how the day went, an’
all that.”
“What, really?” he said
“Really. I could be your big
sister, an’ we’d cuddle
in bed
in the cold mornings after
mom and dad leave for work.
Or we’d walk together
to school
an’ actually take a stray path
through the woods
where I’d teach
you to smoke an’ gamble at
dice.”
“R-really?”
“Really. And how to cheat,
of course.”
“Wow…”
“Yeah. Pretty cool stuff. Also,
I could teach you
how to kiss girls
at school. On the mouth
I mean.”
“Ah, what?”
“Yeah, does that sound nice?”
He didn’t answer
“Say, would you like it
to be real? That life
I just
described. Would you be happy
if it were real?”
“I-if you were my big
sister? It would be… the, the
coolest thing ever!”
“Really?”
He took the binoculars away from
his eyes
to watch her, but
she was quick to stop him. With
a swift touch of her
slim finger on his
head
he understood that she
wants him not to look at her
but into the binoculars,
back at his house
and the peaceful atmosphere
in and outside it
“Look at it,” she whispered
with tobacco smoke
into his ear. “Don’t take
your eyes off it. And imagine.
Imagine I’m right there
with you.
You know how to imagine, right?”
He tried to answer
but a sticky lump formed in his throat
right away and he
only swallowed, eyes till
in the binoculars, watching
the peaceful, lovely house
he lived in
“Of course you do,” she continued.
“You’ve been doing it
all your life. But now you’ll
be doing it a little
more intensely. The more intensely
you do it, the
closer it is to being real.
I will make it
very real for you now.”
He could hear her spitting the
cigarette out of her
mouth
and dropping down to
her knees. Wanted to take
his eyes away from
the binoculars and face
her, but
understood intuitively that
it would’ve been the wrong
move.
He remained frozen like a guard
watching over the
royal figure he protects
even as her hands worked
around his waist
to pull the pants down
If you imagine it hard
enough and
with enough feeling, she spoke
straight into his mind,
it becomes your reality,
indeed. Even if no one else
sees it. What does it matter
as long as you’re
living it, right?”
“Right,” he said

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