LatinosUSA

«I Beat Myself Up» by Danna Garbida

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𝗙𝗮𝗶𝗹𝘂𝗿𝗲𝘀 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗮𝗹𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗯𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗷𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗲𝘆. There’s always a gulp for failure, and that’s infuriatingly unbearable if it’s unacceptable to someone. Even if you’re bottled up and want to explode, buoyancy is a choice. We’re in an unwanted ocean of failures and vessels of small successes. A daffodil won’t exist until waves toss you back again and again from the reality of life. Failures will always be part of the journey. Just like a pond that always has a waterlily.

𝗙𝗮𝗶𝗹𝘂𝗿𝗲𝘀 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗮𝗹𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗯𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗷𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗲𝘆. There’s nothing special about success if you don’t deserve it. If the people you’re with don’t exist, they say it’s not about the destination but who you’re with. Heretofore, it shivers my bones. Do we really have our own timeline? But why?

𝗙𝗮𝗶𝗹𝘂𝗿𝗲𝘀 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗮𝗹𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗯𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗷𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗲𝘆. There’s a dream builder and a wrecker on a battlefield. That’s what made life worthy of becoming “unfair.” Who are they to ruin dreams? I considered them monsters with a friendly façade.
They’ll be like threads and will always have something to say. And that’s “prove yourself.”
Perhaps improving yourself would be enough to carry it in your backpack. That’s how they made our world a shitty place to live. Ironically, isn’t it?

𝗙𝗮𝗶𝗹𝘂𝗿𝗲𝘀 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗮𝗹𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗯𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗷𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗲𝘆. A piece of advice sprouts grudges if you’re profusely on fire, and here’s a light torch for you to carry. If ever you think you need to breathe, just breathe. It’s indeed an exhausting expedition, and that’s no exception. They’ll always expect gold at the end of it, and don’t be afraid to show bronze and a little bit of silver on it.

𝗙𝗮𝗶𝗹𝘂𝗿𝗲𝘀 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗮𝗹𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗯𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗷𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗲𝘆. Know that they don’t have the power to demand. It’s yours to hold. Enough with the heavy lifting of ‘what-would-be-their-reaction?’ You’re a work of art by a master. Everyone doesn’t deserve to react. Burn bridges when necessary.

Nonetheless, even if I debunk it with a mantra, ‘Don’t let your beneficence turn into a hypocrite and naive person, for it’s dehumanising.’ I beat myself up inside a beating staccato. And this salient and uncontrollable bleeding instantly kills innocent souls.

*featured image by Eduardo Dutra on Unsplash

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Author’s Bio

Danna Espocia Garbida is known as dainspirights_ on Instagram and Facebook. A poet from Sorsogon, Philippines. She’s one of the authors of the Anthology Book «Life After Dark: Messages of Hope by Jessa Erandio», which was published by Ukiyoto Publishing. She writes what her heart desires to read, and as you read her poetry, every line is chased by the doubts and mistakes she conquered.