LatinosUSA

It is an arduous task to maintain decorum and dignity, to know how to behave in every moment that life forces us to traverse. Calm and stillness, turmoil and tears at times; smiles that end up being our light to continue navigating toward that place that awaits us all at the end of daily events, there where they wait for us and where we shall be the ancestors, guardians of our families.

A world in which one is forced to write, at times, in the side margins—decisions that prevail, that are made to wait within the harshness of the constant passing of time.

In this secret language of ours, in which we must communicate for the sole fact of being women, I must give thanks for having you, for the fact that we were united as soulmates since childhood. Thanks to our mothers who created it in their refusal to be denied access to education and writing—a symbol of resistance and a beautiful legacy of embroidery on our fans, on our handkerchiefs, on our clothes. They will never be able to reveal its existence.

Our poems, our songs, our concerns, and our fears—everything is there, with us, when secluded in the upstairs rooms it was all we had. You, who were born at the same time as I, became mine and I yours, while we both suffered the pain when those bandages, which they said would turn our feet into beautiful and sacred golden lotus feet, became the calling card for our future marriage.

I don’t know if I cried or if I screamed; I suppose I didn’t. We are taught from birth to be silent, to suffer in stillness. Why was so much suffering necessary? To what end? Feet of 7 to 10 cm. We would be useful women if we didn’t complain while they broke the bones of our arches and folded our toes under the soles. Who could have thought of such a «punishment»—tradition? Since we could not walk, they kept us secluded under their yoke; nothing more, I believe, though I know they say it was that emperor of ours who became infatuated with that dancer, whom he made dance upon a pedestal carved with a golden lotus flower, her feet bound in white silk. Well, to each their own, right, my dear?

Here, between my hands, I hold our white silk fan, the one upon which our mothers signed the contract of our union until we leave this—cruel—world. Yes, I know it is forbidden to complain, but with you, I can do it. To be a porcelain doll is something so pretentious, and yet that is all they wish for us to be; our existence is based on that. Don’t tell me you’ve never wondered? What are those beautiful gardens for, with their rivers of clear water and the red fish that inhabit them? Have you ever managed to see them? Have you been able to stroll through those gardens that surround our houses? So much beauty within our reach… well, at least we can entertain our gaze with these canvases that others have created for their own delight and pleasure.

Yes, I know I am being tedious today, but look, I will tell you that today I embroidered this immense white silk fan, in which I left for you a song I wrote with my soul, only for you and for me, my sister.

This is the only thing that keeps us free in this captivity of ours, where in the end, we are only as we want to be: you, so fresh and emotional, and I, so perfectionist and pragmatic. And that is what remains in our embroidered messages…

Our White Silk Fans

Many years have passed now,

flower of my lap,

suffering the same pain

between silk and tradition.

United by a contract,

the seal: the heart.

My face in the mirror

is your own reflection;

my shadows are

your fears,

your caresses,

my resentments.

Fragile as glass,

the soul was portrayed,

leaving sadness and grief,

and everything withered away.

I let my resentment escape

toward them,

and found your serene friendship

wrapped in white silk

like our golden lotuses.

With the dagger of their arrogance,

they pretend to be masters and lords;

well, they must know they never will be.

We shall be free,

we shall be beautiful,

we shall be life,

we shall be…

In this sacred writing of ours,

freedom with audacity

is embroidered.

@María José Luque Fernández

Notes:

Nüshu: A writing system created and used exclusively by women from Jiangyong County in Hunan Province as a form of resistance against a patriarchal society that denied them access to conventional education and writing.

Golden Lotus Feet: The process involved soaking the feet in a warm mixture of herbs, water, and animal blood to soften the tissues. Toenails were cut short to prevent infections. The mother would fold the four small toes downward until the bones broke, leaving the big toe to maintain balance. With a silk bandage about three meters long, the foot was bound tightly so the arch broke, bringing the heel closer to the toes. Subsequently, girls were forced to walk on their feet so the broken bones would be crushed, allowing the foot to take the shape of a lotus bud. The bandages were changed daily and tightened further over years. Sometimes toes became gangrenous and were amputated; it was said this was «better» because it made the foot smaller. It was considered an erotic taboo to remove the bandages to show the feet to a husband.

Golden Lotus: 7 cm foot.

Silver Lotus: 10 cm foot.

Iron Lotus: Larger sizes. Each category represented a lower social standing for finding a husband.

There are records of how philosophers like Zhu Xi defended foot-binding to restrict women’s movement and keep them confined to ensure they remained chaste.

Laotong: A bond between two girls established just before starting the foot-binding process. They had to be born on the same day and have the same foot size. A contract was signed, and the bond began with one of the girls embroidering a poem in the secret Nüshu language, inviting the other to be her «other half» forever. This was a unique, lifelong commitment that survived marriages and physical distance.