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I stowed away on Trinidad to escape the pirate life and return to my young family, but such was my luck that that same forty-two-cannon King’s own man-of-war was improbably outgunned in the open sea by a young buccaneer name of Wilmot, who stood upon a deck of four-and-twenty only, and pounded and boarded. Wilmot, who took his grog strong before breakfast, executed every man aboard who did not turn and go pirate, so many of us died immediately.

‘Turn and go pirate under me,’ he screamed, as the man of war’s captain stood on the end of a shivering plank eight storeys above a six-knot wake, and was followed into the arms of the unforgiving Caribbean by many a brave sailor, ‘and get rich, or else follow these into a quick and watery grave.’

Fortunately for the likes of many on that boat we had already been pirate in Campeachy and on sweet Trinidad, just had thought to renounce the life. Sheepishly we removed our powdered wigs and Sunday best to reveal earrings, massive biceps, gold molars, throbbing dicks, and parrots with tiny fists – stepped forward.

Copyright © 2025 Colin Gee

This excerpt is from Robinson Crusoe Maybe by Colin Gee.

Praise for Robinson Crusoe Maybe

I’m not quite sure what I just read, but I couldn’t stop reading it. You’ll never look at Robinson Crusoe the same way again once you’ve read it filtered through Colin Gee’s surreal and ridiculous state of mind. What an amazing journey.

-Anthony Neil Smith, author of MURDERAPOLIS

You can order Robinson Crusoe Maybe HERE:

https://tinyurl.com/colingeeurbanpigs

Author Biography

Colin Gee (@ColinMGee on X) is founder and editor of The Gorko Gazette. Author of Left in the Lurch (Dumbo Press) and The Penult (LEFTOVER Books).