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She of the fair sex was resting in the bath with her eyes shut tight in a vulgar dream when the bomb landed upon both it and her. She didn’t have a chance it seemed. Even so, despite that terrible happening prior to the visit of the bombshell the stark-naked girl in question found herself in another realm, a realm that could be prior to her after death or perhaps luck was on her side, and she was still alive, although the latter didn’t look to her to be an ordinary piece of Mother Earth. You see, before her eyes was nothing to compare to her banal homeland for this new mystical land of strange animals that speak in all manner of voices and tongues, as well as mumbling human beings in a state of nature, speaking only to the myriad of red parrots up in the pure white, yet sunless, sky.

Hence it was as she pondered this way and that, an unwelcome mole-rat at her side for no good reason, that she found herself discussing with a naked giant of a gentleman with no body hair at all nor a genuine nose, she raised the matter of, “Mister Man, please tell me where I am?”

Instantly and with passion his answer went thus, “Hide your lucid dreams in the flat-land of nowhere, a place only the blind and the able genius’ like you and me will find out, for we are the romantics who have never been kissed,” said he with a talking marmalade-cat asleep on his head, adding, “After all, eyes will always tell a story, even those deprived of sight yet have a wisdom of supernatural sorts. You’ll get used to it here. I suggest you pop over to ask the bare skinned lady chatting away in her pointless ‘sweet-talk’ while she is counting her apples, along with her cuddly serpent. She’ll tell you all that you need to know in this one and only Land’. You’ll find her most pleasant.”

With that the fair sex lady popped over to the Apple Women and asked of her, “Can you tell me if I am in Heaven or Hell please? Also, I’d like to know what a ‘flat-land’ is if you don’t mind.”

In answer, while grinning like a Cheshire cat, she replied, “Heaven or Hell you say? My answer, ‘Neither’. You see this horizontal planet offers what we call ‘flat-land’ given that we don’t see the scene of a soul-destroying sphere as this place where we never die…never ever…or age more than we are already. It’s bliss, I can tell you. Does that help?”

In reply Miss Fair Sex…her new name she made up…pointed out that she was dead in Earth just a few minutes ago, thus, “This odd place I seem to be in can’t really be existing as far as I’m concerned. Surely it can only be my last dying thoughts?”

At that, the woman who named herself Evita simply answered, “Oh what a silly girl you are. You’ll be in this wonderful world for eternity. It’s bliss. Here we live as we are forevermore.”

Bewildered, Miss Fair Sex asked, “But the real circular world was the one I’ve just died in. This one here can’t be ‘real’ as it’s as flat as a pancake and that’s impossible.”

How wrong you are, so said, Evita, pointing out, “Impossible you say? Oh no it doesn’t, and I’ll tell you why right now, so don’t be a silly-billy. Mother Earth is only a tedious place for birth, life and death. As to its deaths, be they by illness, murder or age, it only has what we refer to as ‘the beginnings and its ends’. It’s just a horrid little round-ball for mortals to claim that they have a Heaven up in their sky that never ends. It’s ridiculous thinking about it as their Heaven will end when their Sun’s radiation vaporizes their Earth’s atmosphere, which would kill all life, while here in our wonderful land we do actually live without an end, untouched and without giving deadly dull birth . Basically, you’re alive here, indeed we want you with us, you’re a gem if there ever was one. Do you agree?”

It was then as she was about to answer, and to her astonishment, all of a sudden upon her head sat a carefree ‘Little White Weasel’ talking all-manner of the universal languages eventually joining into the phenomenal conversation the girls were debating and it was his educated observation that finally had Miss Fair Sex to concur. His weasel-words had gained complete control over her, as he was saying, “Of course, we’re chosen to be here by a clever man from your Earth, a theoretical physicist who developed the theory of relativity. His name, Alberto. It was because of him that we are special, a thing that those on Earth could never understand. Nonetheless, we only have those clever people who come here at our permission. First and foremost, in this glorious venue we can’t die nor become ill or have children and many other boring things. Indeed, we can’t damage ourselves as well…I could go on and on speaking of the protective rules of the planet.” At this, both Miss Fair Sex and Evita nodded toward White Weasel, now standing on her lap, agreeing with his every word, but for all that as he was about to finish he delayed, thinking deeply, only to add something of a shock as he ‘postulated’…his favourate word apparently…saying, “Forget what I’ve just ‘postulated’. Thinking about it, this dreary place is as dead as a dodo’s dick. So what, we get to live forever and boy it’s monotonous hanging around here. I say, bollocks to it all, this flat shithole is lacking variety, excitement, lust and interest, and no place for weasels like me…and oh yes, there’s nothing bad about dying, it’s normal, and at least over there in that Earth ball we can at least have a bit of fun on the way to death.”

At which Miss Fair Sex pitched in, saying, “And…dead of course…I wouldn’t mind if I had my knickers back before the poor sod who finds my bare body. I left them on the side of my bath back home, so I’m with you Mister Weasel.”